they say

they say motherhood is a thankless job sometimes. i'm not sure who 'they' are, but i would say for the most part, that's not true. misunderstood? underappreciated? definitely. but not thankless. i hear thank-you's from my guys when i bring dinner out each night. and when i fill up a juice cup...or cup of cocoa. i feel thanked when my son listens the first time or when he tells me i'm beautiful. (he really does! usually just after he's done something wrong, but it makes it even more hilarious). i'm thanked when my husband sends me texts from work, or when he notices i've done my hair. i get thank-you's quite often...and i appreciate each one even more than my husband and little monster even know. they fill me up! but i do get rundown. more than other moms - or less than other moms? i'm not sure. sometimes it shows, sometimes it doesn't. but right now, i think my rundown-ness is showing.

somewhere between emptying garbage cans and cleaning pee off the floor ... between filling up hand soap containers and remembering to bring something downstairs when I'm upstairs or bring something upstairs from downstairs. (which i never do on the first, second or third try.) the constant going and doing...without ever quite getting done - that's where the misunderstood or underappreciated feeling comes in. as a mom, it's hard to pull myself out of the that hole i fall in once into awhile. like last week...my husband was gone on a business trip for 8 days. he works very hard and i don't think i thank him enough for that. but my 24/7 non-stop trip to toddlerville while i had the longest running flu ever...still while trying to actually do my job from home really tipped me over. i'm in the process of trying to figure out how to organize my crazy life and actually relax when i have a few minutes to myself. not that that happens often. and now that naptime is no longer a part of my monster's day...and bedtime is a bear. now that my hours for work at-home increase and the piles of housework and cleanup that loom over my head never quite get done. now that i am forced to do something about how overloaded my brain is, i'll get that answer. and i'll pass it on to you.

i'm sure the library is loaded with books and my friends are loaded with advice. but maybe this time, i'll sit in the quiet of my bedroom, and start with looking into my bible. i'm pretty sure it can't magically organize clutter or clean-up my buzzing thoughts, but i think it can tell me how to do it and give me some pizazz and energy to go for it.